First Kisses
by Claire D'Aubigne
Summary: FMA Pairing Generator fic. : Ed asks Jean a really strange question. EdRoy and kind of EdHavoc.


This is thanks to the Fullmetal Alchemist Pairing Machine.

I will write a fanfic or drabble with the pairing

Havoc/Ed

rated

PG or PG-13

and include the following things:

glove, handcuffs, sun

If you recognize it, I don't own it. Sorry.

As a general rule, very little actually fazed Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc. The strangest things always happened in the office and he supposed he'd just gotten used to it.

But of course, just when he thought he'd seen everything, something new came along. And this time, it came in the form of Ed Elric.

The boy had slipped into the office and glanced around furtively to make sure no one was in hearing distance before slinking (he hadn't even known Edward _could_ slink) up to his desk. Strange, but then everything was strange when dealing with Edward. He could still smile at him, offer a cheerful greeting in the form of "What's up, Boss?"

Ed jumped, glanced around again, and scooted a little closer. "Can I ask you a question?"

Jean snorted softly. "You just did." But Ed didn't answer or even look annoyed at the joke, so he frowned and changed his answer. "You're not in trouble, are you?"

Ed shook his head, watched as Jean picked up a stack of paperwork from the chair beside his desk and then pointed at it. He sat, not saying a word. Jean figured after a few minutes that the little alchemist would talk when he wanted to, so he pulled the stack of paperwork closer and started reading.

"Will you kiss me?"

Whatever he'd been expecting, that wasn't it, and Jean inhaled so sharply, he nearly swallowed the unlit cigarette resting between his lips. "_What?_" he asked once he'd recovered.

The sunlight streaming in the office window clearly illuminated Ed's scarlet cheeks as he repeated the question.

"Um..." How in the hell was he supposed to answer that? "I... I usually don't kiss boys."

That was the wrong response. "I am _not_ a kid!" Ed howled, and the few people actually inside on a day like this looked over curiously.

_Shit._ "That's not what I meant," Jean clarified, briefly closing his eyes. What had he done to deserve this, anyway? "I just meant that... well, I like _women_, Edward."

"Oh," Ed said softly, and Jean almost felt bad. "It's not that, it's just... IhaveadateandIknowthatkissingissupposedtocomeattheendandIreadthebooksbuttheydidn'thelp."

Jean blinked. "Slow down a little. What did you just say?"

"I _said_," Edward repeated, face flushing even darker, "I have a date and I know that kissing is supposed to come at the end, and I read the books but they didn't help."

Jean's first reaction was to laugh. He suppressed it with difficulty. "You read a _book_ on how to kiss someone?"

"Stop laughing at me!"

"I'm not laughing." _On the outside._ "It's just... most people don't, that's all."

Ed scowled. "Will you help me or not?"

"Are you sure the Colonel isn't a better choice for helping you?"

"I can't ask him!" Ed hissed. "He'd laugh at me or say I was too _small_ to know how to kiss people or something!"

Jean raised his eyebrows. "It's the Colonel you're going out with, isn't it?"

If it were possible for Edward to disappear into the hard wooden chair, he would have done it then. "H-he told you?!"

"No. You'd just scream him out of his office if he did that, but it wouldn't stop you." Jean sighed, turning back to his paperwork. "I get off at six. Is that too late?"

Edward stuttered a little, like he hadn't actually expected an affirmative answer. "N-no."

"Okay. Come back at six and I'll teach you how to kiss."

He watched over the edge of the paper in his hands as Ed walked away, looking immensely relieved. If the Colonel found out about this, he'd be dead. He should probably start drafting a will.

He'd half hoped that Edward wouldn't come back, but three minutes before six, he came back through the door.

Jean led him out the front door and around to the side of the building. "Are you sure you want to do this? I don't think the Colonel's going to be too happy if he finds out."

"He's kissed a billion people before! He doesn't have any reason to complain!" Ed protested.

Jean held up his hands before Ed could get off on a tirade. "Good point. I just don't want him to kill anyone."

There was a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. Jean tried to figure out the mechanics of the situation... he'd never say it out loud, of course, but he'd never kissed someone as short as Edward and he wasn't exactly sure how to work that out. In the end, he led Edward to the steps and told him to stand on the one closest to the ground.

Edward tensed, immediately sensing that he was being called short.

"I'm just trying to make the heights match up!" Jean cried, then decided it didn't come out quite right. "I mean... I'm taller than the Colonel. I'm trying to get you taller so that you're about the same height on me as you are on him." He gestured with his hands, hoping it didn't look too desperate. "Is this about right?"

Ed looked at him with narrowed eyes, still a little suspicious, decided it wasn't worth it to kill him right now, and nodded. "So now what?"

Jean put his hands on either side of Ed's mouth, holding the younger blonde's face still. "Um... close your eyes."

He pressed his lips lightly to Ed's, pleasantly surprised when he sighed a little and kissed back.

After a few minutes, Jean pulled back, and Ed whimpered a little. "That's all?"

"No. But I had to make sure you were ready to go on."

Ed took a deep breath, nodded his head once, and closed his eyes again. This time, Jean coaxed Ed to open his mouth, pressing light kisses to the corners of his mouth before sweeping just the tip of his tongue over Ed's. The younger man avoided him entirely.

"You have to kiss back, Boss," Jean murmured against his lips, and it was enough to push him into action.

Again, they broke apart, and Ed looked a little like he'd been run over by a train. "Hey. Breathe."

"Y-yeah," Ed stammered, sucking in a deep breath and holding it. "That wasn't as hard as the books made it sound."

Jean chuckled. "It's usually not. Don't be so timid next time and you'll do all right."

Ed nodded. "Thanks, Lieutenant."

Jean opened his mouth to reply, but the voice they both heard definitely wasn't his.

"Should I even ask what is going on back here?"

They both winced, and turned. Roy Mustang was standing there, looking every bit as pissed as he possibly could, gloved hand poised to snap at them both.

"Um... not what it looks like, Sir!" Jean squeaked, wishing very much that he'd not agreed to this in the first place. He knew it would be a bad idea.

"Not what it looks like? It looks like you're back here kissing Fullmetal, Lieutenant. Fraternization directly results in a court martial and a discharge, you know."

Jean's shoulders sagged. It wouldn't be such a good idea to point out who was doing the fraternizing here. Not right now, anyway. "Yes, Sir."

"Stop it, Colonel!" Ed snapped. "You don't have any room to talk!"

"I beg your pardon," the Colonel began haughtily. "I'll have you know that--"

Edward had launched himself at the Colonel and firmly and boldly planted his lips on the older man's, effectively shutting him up. Jean only stood there, dumbfounded, seeing firsthand why everyone said Edward was a prodigy. _At least he's putting that one lesson to good use._

The Colonel had nothing to say when they finally broke apart. Ed purred like a cat, looking very satisfied with himself. "The Lieutenant was just teaching me how to kiss," he said at last. "And you can't complain about that."

No, he really couldn't.

Jean whistled softly, bringing his superior's gaze back into focus. "Get a room," he said, smirking.

"Shut up, Lieutenant."

"I have a pair of fuzzy handcuffs you can borrow, Sir."

A second later, he was running. On second thought, it was probably a bad idea to piss off two alchemists.


End file.
